​Strings and Things*

                A young, enthusiastic officer was finally given the opportunity to attend the course of his dreams: “Management.” One of the exercises was to carry out an organization and management survey of a group which he was not normally familiar and submit recommendations as to how their efficiency could be increased. He selected as his target a symphony orchestra and having read up on the tools of the trade, he attended his first concert and submitted the following analysis.

1. For considerable periods, the four oboe players had nothing to do. The number of oboe players should therefore be reduced, and the work spread more evenly over the whole concert program, thus eliminating the peaks and valleys of activity.
2. All twenty violins were playing identical notes. This would seem to be an unnecessary duplication, so the staff of this section should be cut drastically. If a greater volume of sound is required, it could be obtained by means of an electronic apparatus.
3. Obsolescence of equipment is another matter warranting further investigations. The program noted that the leading violinist’s instrument was several hundred years old. Now, if normal depreciation schedules had been applied, the value of this instrument would have been reduced to zero and the purchase of more modern equipment recommended long ago.
4. Much effort was absorbed in the playing of demisemiquavers, which seems to be an unnecessary refinement. It was recommended that all notes be rounded up to the nearest semiquavers. If this were done, it would be possible to use trainees and lower-grade operatives more extensively.
5. In many cases, the operators were using one hand to hold their instruments. The introduction of a fixture would free that hand for other work. Also, it was noted that excessive effort was being used by the players of wind instruments, whereas, one compressor could supply enough air for all the instruments – and under more accurately controlled conditions.
6. Finally, there seemed to be too much repetition of some of the musical passages. Therefore, scores should be pruned to a considerable extent. No useful purpose is served by repeating on the horns something which has already been handled by the strings. It is estimated that, if all resundant passages were eliminated, the whole concert of two hours could be reduced to twenty minutes – and there would be no need for an intermission.

*Unfortunately the editors have been unable to find the name of the original author of this article.
The Canadian Gunner 1969, Volume 5, December 1969

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